this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
do nipples grow back?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
