I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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