ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
