Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
