Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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