She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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