I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
