In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
