I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
