i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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