8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
