Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
