Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
