so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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