they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
