And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
