so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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