even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
