well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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