It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
nutella sex= disaster
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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