she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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