My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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