You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
