my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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