Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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