Cold hands, warm shart.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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