i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
