His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
