Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
