I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
