thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
