I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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