I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps