According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it