Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
