Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?