If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.