ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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