R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A bitchslap is in order.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
