she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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