Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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