would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
