now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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