How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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