just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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