tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
