I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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