a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
