Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
