I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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