So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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