I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
