i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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