NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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