That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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