You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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