Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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