just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
