I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
