good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's not cheating when I paid for it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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