I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
