I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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