Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
