Christians are straight up FREAKS
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
