The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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