Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
