That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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