Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
