i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
