Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
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I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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